Office Humor
May 12, 2008, 9:52 am
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I hate office humor. Not just a little bit. A lot.

I hate when coworkers respond to any teeny quirk in your personality with a coffee joke, i.e. “Looks like you haven’t had your coffee yet today!” or “Maybe you should lay off the coffee!” I can’t stand when someone responds to “How was your weekend?” with “Not long enough!” I find little signs that say things like “I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn’t look good either” rude and unnecessary.

The thing that confuses me most is that when I Googled the words “I hate office humor,” only six results came up. Six! Am I the only person out there who finds coffee jokes and Dilbert comics trite and annoying? I thought the movie “Office Space” proved that I was not alone with the infamous phrase “Looks like somebody has a case of the Mondays!!”

It’s fitting, then, that my boss would just happen to have a giant wall completely devoted to all things office humor right in front of my cubicle. It’s a literal gold mine of officey sarcasm and Dilberty delights.

I have photographed it for your viewing pleasure. Please, you look!

Office Humor Hell

See my comments on it here.

And please…if you feel this way, let me know! I know I’m not the only one. I can’t be…can I?

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Guilty Pleasures
May 9, 2008, 11:03 am
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I really am fascinated by the things that people enjoy in their spare time, even though they’d never admit it. I think it tells a lot about a person — not everything, of course, but I don’t think you can ever really know someone unless you know what they secretly long to do when no one else is around.

The part I find especially interesting, though, is why people feel the need to hide certain things about themselves. Take my list for example; here are ten things I like that I tend to hide from most people.

In no particular order:

1. lima beans

2. Dashboard Confessional

3. chick flicks

4. V8 and other forms of tomato juice

5. country music (when I’m in the mood, which is actually pretty rare)

6. One Tree Hill

7. Enrique Iglesias

8. seeing people get hurt

9. Battlestar Galactica (well, I don’t hide that so much…)

10.somewhat stale/mostly hard bread

Now, I think it’s pretty obvious why some of those things are on there — I have weird taste in food. I mean, who likes lima beans and tomato juice? Why would anyone in their right mind actually seek out stale bread? I have no idea, nor do I really know why I like them. All I know is that when I was a kid, my entire family used to dump their unwanted lima beans onto my plate and I would vacuum them up like a normal kid inhales Halloween candy. Whenever my parents have V8 in the house, it’s always gone in less than a day…and no one knows what happened to it. I also hate when soft, fresh bread gets stuck to the roof of my mouth. The solution? Only eat hard, crusty/stale bread! Or toasted. Toasted is usually better, actually.

Why would I ever tell anybody about these things? I would seem like a nerd! (Which is why, I suspect, I put Battlestar Galactica on there…I’m a girl. Other girls don’t approve of that show, to which I respond “give it a chance!”)

Other things on on there because they’re not good, and I know they’re not good. Dashboard Confessional is overly emo. The lyrics aren’t supposed to make you feel good; they are supposed to make whiny teens say “oh my gosh, I can totally relate to that!” Grownups don’t like Dashboard. Grownups also don’t like the music of Enrique Iglesias. It’s not good! It’s the musical equivalent of choosing Cheez Whiz over brie. I like to listen to it when the weather gets warm, though, because it makes me feel like I’m 15, carefree and at the beach. Go figure.

Same goes for country music. I’m not supposed to find it entertaining — people who like country music are pegged as rednecks. I’m not a redneck!

One Tree Hill and chick flicks…I guess I don’t like falling into the “typical girl” category. I don’t like the way guys talk about girl stuff, and I want to seem like one of those super cool chicks who’s extra fun for her boyfriend to hang out with. There is nothing I hate more than hearing “she made me watch one of her dumb girl movies,” or “my girlfriend watched the crappiest shows.” I don’t want to be that girl! I want to be Cameron Diaz in “There’s Something About Mary.” Admit it; you do, too.

Also, when someone gets hurt you’re not supposed to laugh. You’re supposed to be sympathetic and feel bad, like a good person should. I’m a good person, I swear! I just can’t help it, though; when a starchy businessman trips over his own tasseled loafers or a little kid plants her face into the Stop & Shop floor, I bust a gut. Call it schadenfreude or whatever else you’d like…I just find it amusing.

So I guess my guilty pleasures list shows that I am a semi-typical girl who wants to seem atypical, often enjoys bad music, likes weird food, is a little nerdy, and cares about people — but not enough to feel bad when they injure themselves, in many instances. I don’t like these qualities about myself but I just outed them — think of me what you will! …I just over analyzed that to death, didn’t I?

Distraction! Distraction! Over here!

To counter that dissertation-esque list, I now include a harmless list of ridiculously pointless pet peeves that I have. Now, forget about the whole first half of this post!

1. When restaurants only give you a thin little slice of lemon for your water — how are you supposed to squeeze it??

2. People who look at their cell phone to avoid saying “hi”

3. Pronouncing “hospital” like “huss-pital.” There’s an “o” for a reason.

4. Myspace people who try to seem quirky and original by writing their “About Me” section like this: “I can’t sit still for more than five minutes. People say I’m fun, but I think I’m crazy. I like peanut butter. Will Ferrell is my homeboy. My mom is the coolest. If you give me five minutes, I’ll give you all the time in the world. Lollipops make me happy.” It’s not original. Everybody is doing it.

5. While we’re on the subject, myspace girls who constantly write things like “Don’t hate me because I’m fabulous!” and “Don’t be jealous of me + my girlz.” Relax, nobody’s jealous of you.

6. When Fergie says “like a child misses their blanket” in that song “Big Girls Don’t Cry.” Employ an editor.

7. When someone answers the question “How was your weekend?” with “Productive.”

8. That weird smell that some Pepsi bottles have under the cap. What IS that??

9. Coworkers who hum. You’re not in your kitchen.

10. Office humor-type jokes.

What about you guys? I’d love to see what YOU secretly love/can’t stand!



Well
May 9, 2008, 9:28 am
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…I’m actually not posting my comments on that Q & A thing until someone else does it first.  If not, it’ll just go unanswered.

Aren’t you all on the edges of your seats now to know what I think about it?!?  Haha…  =P



Woah…
May 8, 2008, 4:06 pm
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I’d love to write something thought provoking and great, but I’ve got to tell the truth; I’ve been sitting around and doing practically nothing all day while waiting to get work from clients…which never came.  I can’t believe it’s only 4:00 right now…cannot believe it.  This is indubitably the longest four hours I have ever spent, and I have an inkling that the next hour isn’t going to be a picnic either. I did do one thing today, though — I discovered this gem of a website.

…I don’t think I have to tell you what my afternoon’s been like today.  =P



Why I Hate Cosmopolitan…
May 7, 2008, 4:18 pm
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I thought I’d try my hand at one of those Jezebel magazine cover things, because this cover just annoyed me over the edge. Sexy Sex? Really????? (My comments are on the outside…)

(Check out the full-sized version here)



Something wrong with this picture?
May 7, 2008, 1:42 pm
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As a soon-to-be bride (in less than 3 weeks…woah!) I’ve naturally been heading toward the wedding Web pages lately, just to poke around and look for potential last-minute gems of information or ideas from their articles.

This one site that I’ve been frequenting, TheKnot.com, has a sister site called TheNest.com which is (you guessed it) an after-wedding site with resources for newlywed couples.  After browsing through for a few days and finding interesting tidbits here and there, I came upon this Q&A session and had to see if anyone felt the same way I did about their answer.  Here it is — does anyone find anything strange/off-putting about this clip?

Q: Should I use all of my vacation days, even though everyone else in my office seems not to?

A: Figuring out how to take all your vacation days while still looking dedicated to the team (and boss) is a good exercise in time management. Factor in some late nights or work on the weekends leading up to your vacation so you feel you can go away with a clear mind, and show everyone you know business and your workplace come first.

Ask a trusted coworker to be the point person on any important projects that might require attention in your absence. Let all the key coworkers and clients know who they should contact if they have any questions. And give top superiors your contact info and let them know that you’re available 24/7. If you manage other employees, create a list of priorities for them to work on while you’re out of town. Email the office midway through your vacation and elevate yourself to hero status.

Bottom line: You don’t need to use every last one of your vacation days, especially if you can roll them over or cash them in for some extra dough. But then again, a piña colada is a terrible thing to waste.



Weight-loss breakthrough!…really?
May 5, 2008, 1:35 pm
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While I was poking around on Digg this morning, I saw an article that I didn’t find particularly special, entitled “Found: The Reason Fat People Find it Hard to Lose Weight”. I kind of skimmed over it and moved on with my life, jumping to much more important bits of news like “Drunken British Students Wreck Spanish Resort” and this.

After a few more minutes of pointless Web browsing I began to feel a little shady for Digging something I hadn’t actually read, so I decided to go back and give it a second chance. This time I really gave it a good read and mulled over the subject for a good long while afterwards…and came up with this:

Did it really take scientists this long to discover that the reason people with obesity problems are overweight is because they have more fat cells than the average person? I thought doctors and scientists were constantly working on helping obese people find ways to control their weight without surgery. So while we were all waiting for this to be discovered, we were seriously living with hold-me-overs like TrimSpa and other celebrity-endorsed weight-loss “miracles?” Unbelievable!

Seriously though, I’m perfectly aware that this information in this article doesn’t answer the obesity problem, nor does it signify any real scientific breakthrough of any kind. But my question to you is this — does this article really make it sounds like scientists are doing anything of any significance when it comes to helping people with obesity? Or was this particular publication just having a slow news day?

Read the article and let me know that you think!