Guilty Pleasures
May 9, 2008, 11:03 am
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I really am fascinated by the things that people enjoy in their spare time, even though they’d never admit it. I think it tells a lot about a person — not everything, of course, but I don’t think you can ever really know someone unless you know what they secretly long to do when no one else is around.

The part I find especially interesting, though, is why people feel the need to hide certain things about themselves. Take my list for example; here are ten things I like that I tend to hide from most people.

In no particular order:

1. lima beans

2. Dashboard Confessional

3. chick flicks

4. V8 and other forms of tomato juice

5. country music (when I’m in the mood, which is actually pretty rare)

6. One Tree Hill

7. Enrique Iglesias

8. seeing people get hurt

9. Battlestar Galactica (well, I don’t hide that so much…)

10.somewhat stale/mostly hard bread

Now, I think it’s pretty obvious why some of those things are on there — I have weird taste in food. I mean, who likes lima beans and tomato juice? Why would anyone in their right mind actually seek out stale bread? I have no idea, nor do I really know why I like them. All I know is that when I was a kid, my entire family used to dump their unwanted lima beans onto my plate and I would vacuum them up like a normal kid inhales Halloween candy. Whenever my parents have V8 in the house, it’s always gone in less than a day…and no one knows what happened to it. I also hate when soft, fresh bread gets stuck to the roof of my mouth. The solution? Only eat hard, crusty/stale bread! Or toasted. Toasted is usually better, actually.

Why would I ever tell anybody about these things? I would seem like a nerd! (Which is why, I suspect, I put Battlestar Galactica on there…I’m a girl. Other girls don’t approve of that show, to which I respond “give it a chance!”)

Other things on on there because they’re not good, and I know they’re not good. Dashboard Confessional is overly emo. The lyrics aren’t supposed to make you feel good; they are supposed to make whiny teens say “oh my gosh, I can totally relate to that!” Grownups don’t like Dashboard. Grownups also don’t like the music of Enrique Iglesias. It’s not good! It’s the musical equivalent of choosing Cheez Whiz over brie. I like to listen to it when the weather gets warm, though, because it makes me feel like I’m 15, carefree and at the beach. Go figure.

Same goes for country music. I’m not supposed to find it entertaining — people who like country music are pegged as rednecks. I’m not a redneck!

One Tree Hill and chick flicks…I guess I don’t like falling into the “typical girl” category. I don’t like the way guys talk about girl stuff, and I want to seem like one of those super cool chicks who’s extra fun for her boyfriend to hang out with. There is nothing I hate more than hearing “she made me watch one of her dumb girl movies,” or “my girlfriend watched the crappiest shows.” I don’t want to be that girl! I want to be Cameron Diaz in “There’s Something About Mary.” Admit it; you do, too.

Also, when someone gets hurt you’re not supposed to laugh. You’re supposed to be sympathetic and feel bad, like a good person should. I’m a good person, I swear! I just can’t help it, though; when a starchy businessman trips over his own tasseled loafers or a little kid plants her face into the Stop & Shop floor, I bust a gut. Call it schadenfreude or whatever else you’d like…I just find it amusing.

So I guess my guilty pleasures list shows that I am a semi-typical girl who wants to seem atypical, often enjoys bad music, likes weird food, is a little nerdy, and cares about people — but not enough to feel bad when they injure themselves, in many instances. I don’t like these qualities about myself but I just outed them — think of me what you will! …I just over analyzed that to death, didn’t I?

Distraction! Distraction! Over here!

To counter that dissertation-esque list, I now include a harmless list of ridiculously pointless pet peeves that I have. Now, forget about the whole first half of this post!

1. When restaurants only give you a thin little slice of lemon for your water — how are you supposed to squeeze it??

2. People who look at their cell phone to avoid saying “hi”

3. Pronouncing “hospital” like “huss-pital.” There’s an “o” for a reason.

4. Myspace people who try to seem quirky and original by writing their “About Me” section like this: “I can’t sit still for more than five minutes. People say I’m fun, but I think I’m crazy. I like peanut butter. Will Ferrell is my homeboy. My mom is the coolest. If you give me five minutes, I’ll give you all the time in the world. Lollipops make me happy.” It’s not original. Everybody is doing it.

5. While we’re on the subject, myspace girls who constantly write things like “Don’t hate me because I’m fabulous!” and “Don’t be jealous of me + my girlz.” Relax, nobody’s jealous of you.

6. When Fergie says “like a child misses their blanket” in that song “Big Girls Don’t Cry.” Employ an editor.

7. When someone answers the question “How was your weekend?” with “Productive.”

8. That weird smell that some Pepsi bottles have under the cap. What IS that??

9. Coworkers who hum. You’re not in your kitchen.

10. Office humor-type jokes.

What about you guys? I’d love to see what YOU secretly love/can’t stand!