Commuters on their way to work can be crazy sometimes!

Take one honking, Acura-riding, screaming nut job of a woman who decided to clamp onto my rear bumper this morning on Route 9D in Wappingers. I’m going to go ahead and say that I’m a pretty considerate driver, especially on the morning commute. All right, make that an extremely considerate driver — I’ve been out there and seen the way that these other commuters drive, and it isn’t pretty. Tailgating, weaving in and out of traffic, neglecting to use signals and just plain not following the rules are the least of what goes on down in the wretched tangles of I-84 between the hours of 7 and 9 am.

I don’t buy into the game, though — I know where I’m going and (believe you me) I’m in no particular rush to get there. I like to leave on time, though, so that I don’t feel the slightest need to join the weaving hoards. If someone else is tailgating me or looking a little frustrated, though, I can sympathize with their plight and pull into the right lane to let them pass. For the most part, I don’t let angry commuters get to me. I’d rather not have my day spoiled by their ugly ‘tudes.

Which brings me back to 9D. I was driving down the road, minding my own business (while still maintaining traffic’s usual flow of a 10mph speed limit hike) when I decided to be a good neighbor and let a car get in front of me. That very moment, a car horn blared twice from behind me. I wrote it off, figuring that no one could possibly be that impatient, and kept on my merry way. Just to be sure that nothing crazy was going on behind me, I glanced in my rear view mirror to see what all the fuss was about.

What I saw was probably the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen out on the road before. A young woman, probably in her late 20’s to early 30’s, was sitting all the way forward in her car, banging on her windshield and screaming something that I couldn’t quite make out. It was pretty off putting, but I decided to try and ignore it as best I could. She made the move to lock onto my bumper for the next five miles, which I also chose to ignore, while periodically rearing at my car . . . as if there were any extra space that made it safe enough for her to do that. We ended up both needing to turn at the same point in the road, and we sat at the red light for a grand total of 20 seconds, after which the green turning arrow lit up.

Not less than half a second later, the horn began again — at least 5 loud, blaring honks that began to make me a little more twitchy with each one. I had to look in my rear view mirror again, and what I was was nothing short of terrifying!

The woman was literally screaming at the top of her lungs, shaking her head back and forth and smacking her steering wheel with a fervor that threatened to break the thing right off. I could swear that she morphed into this for a minute:

This was unpleasant.

Actually, it was more than unpleasant. I felt my annoyance turn into anger, and the anger into indignation. Basically, it was like a white hot rage that threatened to consume my very vitals if I did nothing to make her understand that she was being totally irrational — and looked ridiculous, on top of everything. My mind raced wildly, thoughts of the things I could do to express my distaste for her temper tantrum bouncing around in my skull. While all this was going on, she swiftly zoomed past me and the other people in the turning lane — and then she was gone.

Most of the time road rage doesn’t bother me at all, but this time it hit a special nerve. Why do people have to act like that? The worst part of it is, you can’t even let them know how jerky they’re being! (Well I guess you can, but giving the finger is pretty much like stooping down to their level, in my book. Plus, it’s illegal. Believe it — I’m THAT much of a goody-two-shoes.)

The point of my rant? I have found a device that is the answer for frustrated good drivers like myself everywhere! It’s the epitome of mastermind technology today: the very reason that I want to hug Nick Holonyak, LED-inventor extraordinaire. It’s actually an “LED Emoticon” that sticks to the back of your car and broadcasts your disgust or approval to other drivers out on the road. You can choose from one of five messages – a smiley face, frowney face, “Thanks”, “Back Off” or “Idiot.”

I personally would appreciate one that uses a few more choice words, maybe including the terms “ass-clown” and “beslubbering ill-nurtured varlot.” But this will have to do.

See it for yourself here — the catalogue of uses is simply mind-blowing!

…rant finished.